I am moving!

And shaking.

This will be the last post on Freefalling & Flightless. I am moving on to bigger, better things.

Introducing: Freefalling & Flightless!

Okay, so what I said up there is misleading.... but everythings ok in the end right?

The new website is basically a fancy-pants version of this one. One wicked-tastic feature however, is that F&F V2.0 has it's own comic hosting within the site itself! No more linking to Drunk Duck.

So hop on over to the new site, and get accquainted!

Longevity.

Or, has anyone figured out I have nothing to write about?In the story I tell my kids about how I met their mother, I've realized the first chapter is going to be even more boring than Ted Mosby's. "In the summer of 2008, I did nothing at all. In the summer of 2009... well kids, your old man did more of the same."

So I'm trippin'. A few weeks ago, I went to New York City. It was a good, if all too short vacation. I saw the usuals, Empire State, Statch of Lib, etc. But the best times I had were just walking to and fro. I met artists, talked with homeless people, even witnessed someone get arrested.

At one point, I was with one of my traveling companions, as we were looking for flowers for his girl. We stopped at a small general store esque place and began selecting. After a minute or two, this trendy dressed dude who looked like he walked out of a Kanye West video started loudly asking the store clerk for a bag. He was already carrying a few.

"Do you have a bag or some shit? I've got a lot here." He shouted. The clerk brought him a bag, and as the two struggled to put three separate wraps of flowers into it, my cohort started talking to him. In one bag was an alarm clock.

"You must really like that girl." He said. The man shot us a look, maybe expecting someone he knew, then smiled. In one bag was a set of candles.

"This is what happens when you cheat." We were shocked. We joked back and forth for a moment, assuming he had slept with another girl and was now trying to make it up to her. In one bag was a wii.

"Naw, I just have a few girlfriends on the go. I'm dropping this wii off first."

By now he had our full, undivided attention. My buddy responds: "How do you decide which one gets which gift?"

"Longevity. The wii goes to my main girl, we've been together for three years. I've got this new one since christmas. She just gets candles."
The kinds of people you meet in travel are astounding.

That's why next on the list, is a tour of Europe. I'm heading off in June. Same group of people, this time for a month.

In the story of how I met their mother, I'll have plenty more anecdotes like that to share with the youngins.

-K

Why I love the Matrix

And yes, I do include Revolutions.This is the second part of the "Why I love" series of entries. Every now and then it hits me that I have a seemingly irrational love for something. These things, generally media, tend to define me. For a long time in high school I went through a "dark" phase. I wore nothing but black. I had stupid, Neo like sunglasses, and yes - I even sported the coat.

But today I was in the shower, thinking about the future - as one does - and feeling pretty down about the whole thing. The futility of my endeavors can sometimes be as crippling as the botched attempts to practicalize (that's not a word, don't worry) them. It was then that I was reminded of a speech.

It's in the third one. The final battle is crackling, Neo gets punched around, Smith gets tussled slightly, but then finally, for once, it seems the bad guy has the upper hand. In a traditionally campy pre-victory rant, Agent Smith asks Neo one last question before the KO.

Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?

Neo's answer is quick, and at first glance, obvious: "Because I choose to."

You can say what you want about the Matrices (heh.) You can downplay their importance in the CG world. You can claim corny dialogue and hammy acting ruin it. Or you can say that "they just started running out of ideas". The first two are understandable - Keannu Reeves sucks at acting, and he brought the rest of them down, and since, oh, 2005, bullet time has practically been demoted to "fad" status. But one thing is certain - they had this plan from the beginning.

Lawrence Fishbourne said once in an interview that the films are a poem, the first about birth, the second about life, and the third about death. And this is paramount to what I'm trying to say, because the question posed by Smith - at least in my head - is the exact question that we all face in life: It's futile, so why bother?

The answer is up to you, but you only have two choices - option one: end it all, or option two: keep pushing forward.

I like to think that any person's life is a poem. We burst into the world, brash and energetic, threatening to tear the world apart, and instead slowly find a place to exist within it. In death, we come to terms with what we have seen, we look at our mistakes and see others making them too. It's a culmination of knowledge that yeilds wisdom, and peace.

Or maybe it's just a stupid kung-fu movie with a derivative anime plot and cardboard characters.

Meh.

-K

Wake up Reuben!

It's time to start the day!Yo. So enough of my artistic struggle for a while, and time for some artistic accomplishment.

Above is a promo drawing, I guess. It's the second and third characters from the Six, a side project comic that I started a year ago, and then dropped when life became too complicated. But I'm putting it back on the do-to list as of today.

In any case, both these characters will remain nameless for now, but will both be introduced in the second issue of the Six. The issue is still starring Reuben Paige, aka'd as the Remarkable Zombie Boy. It picks up directly after the last issue left off. R has just woken up in a hospital bed, and is now faced with the reality of having a super power. How will his friends react? What about his oblivious mother? And will his estranged girlfriend be so touched by his act of heroism that she'd consider taking him back? And if that wasn't enough, Zombie Boy is forced to save the day again when a series of bank robberies begin taking his city by storm! Who is this perp? Why is it so hard to take them down?

All these questions will be answered, and many more will be raised, next issue!

First issue can be read over at DrunkDuck until I get a website going.

-K

Just a thought.

Maybe I've got it backwards.I can't sleep, so here we go.

I'm starting to think maybe I worry too much. I'm not going to give up on my mission - to move you, to shake you, and to boldly go where no drop-out film maker wanna-be has gone before. But on the other hand, it can't be all I think about.

Filming has been going poorly. We got one solid day out, and the core crew (or brain-trust, as I've been calling them, much to their dismay) have been doing fantastic. Mena and Dave are settling into their roles nicely, and Adam has been invaluable as our producer/keep-Kenzie-doing-stuff-so-this-actually-gets-done-guy. Also, I can't go without mentioning Tim, our musician and final brain-trust member, who's late-night conversations are good for perspective. But many scheduling conflicts, and unfortunate circumstances are leading to many canceled shoot days.

Victims of circumstance.

I'm still optimistic though. And I guess that's the point of this entry. Stay optimistic, kids.

One day, the world is going to make sense. The gears will have all fallen into place, and everything will spin in accordance. One day I'll have that feeling I'm looking for and this whole struggle will dissolve. But until that happens, I just have to keep pushing forward.

I see people around me making changes. Mostly for the better. It's inspiring. Yo, anonymous dude I know - congrats! Now treat her right. Holla to the gal I know who's making it work after all! And big ups to the guy I know who got a promotion. You guys are living. It feels good, doesn't it?

Life isn't making a movie. Life isn't working at a coffee shop. It's the interactions that you have from doing these things.

I guess if I have any advice for myself when I come back to this page in a day or two, feeling down (yes, it happens that fast) it would be this: Stop worrying about moving people for a minute.

Stop caring so much, just for a while. Instead of forcing people to be "moved", why don't you just enjoy their company? Your struggle will still be there when you're done.

And who knows, maybe someone will move you.

-K

Pictures are test stills from the upcoming film, "Keep Pushing Forward". Look for it in the fall.

Why nothing ever gets done.

My attempt at rationalization.I've been trying to write. But it's not coming. And it's driving me crazy.

Why can't I get anything out? I know what I want to say, but when it hits the page, the combination of letters just doesn't look right. A sentence is too specific. It's too limiting. It's like, by putting the words down in such a way, they have been condemned to mean that and only that.

No selection of words and phrases seems to get it right. And it's only getting worse.

I want to move you. I want to inspire you. But how can anything that has come out of this mouth, or from these fingers be enough? It isn't. Obviously. And that's the most frustrating thing I've come across so far as an artist.

Arists have a very unique power. We create worlds. We are gods - in a way - of a reality that exists in our heads. I think this is why it's so crippling to live in this one.

I can't redraw myself handsomer, or restructure your character to be less annoying. Proper bouts of courage can't manifest at just the right moment and give you the strength to say "I love you" before she leaves on a train for another city.

I just took a deep breath and choked on the air.

This has all been said before. I'm just retreading ground. So let's move on.

The feeling I want is one of divine confidence. Purpose. The idea that this is all going somewhere. People tell me "find religion". And I say "Maybe I'll look into that. What? Oh, yeah your religion sounds unique, tell me more..." and then abruptly start thinking about women, or a video game while they drone on about salvation.

I don't want Buddha, or Christ to tell me that all's going to be well. Why should I trust them any more than the lady at the bank who tells me to "believe in myself"?

It's comforting verbiage - "Have faith." "Believe" "Salvation" whatever. But it's groundless. What Jesus said (at least regarding morality) was correct. Heck, so was L. Ron Hubbard - but these forms of insurance come from other men. People who did not grow up in Ottawa. Did not draw Sonic comics. Were not heartbroken at age 14 by someone who didn't deserve the emotional damage caused by an emotionally damaged me.

The strength needs to be found from closer to the chest. Something that understands deeply, and yet still promises that things will be okay.

It's a rule of give and take. I need insurance from the things that I love - certain people, my art, my very self - before I can feel that any of this is worth doing.

But I guess what I'm saying is that this is impossible. It's a circular track to which there is no on ramp, and from which there is no off. And maybe that's a paradox artists (which by the way, are nothing more than extroverted people who enjoy crafts) have to deal with.

This is not some speech saying "look at me, I'm so deep". This is an honest to goodness call for help. A demand for an answer to the question: "Why bother".

Why I hate the world

...enough with the manifest destiny already.

Many of my Canadian readers, and of course, my good friends, are probably aware of how furious I am that the Hudson's Bay Company was purchased, in 2006 by NRDC Equity Partners. A fairly meager looking American based super company. They "[acquire] operating companies in the retail, leisure, lodging, and commercial real estate sectors." So basically, they do nothing but buy the work of others.

Ok, whatever, capitalism and all that shit. But today another takeover has been rumored that brings up the issue of our Canadian companies being subversively sold out from under us. But I'll get to that in a minute.

Anyway, Let me start small. And we'll work out way to the big problem.

It begins with the company Bioware. This was (until recently) a relatively small gaming company based out of Edmonton, Alberta. They were well known for making role-playing games with excellent, engrossing stories that challenged the japanese RPGs. A few games they're known for are Neverwinter Nights, Jade Empire, Mass Effect, and of course, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.They're an excellent company. However, they're future quality is being called into question, as they were recently bought by EA. EA, or Electronic Arts, is a video game super company, which was critisized through the late 90s and early 2000s for having a somewhat exessive tendency to purchase other smaller development studios, mainly for their intellectual properties (game franchises unique to that company), and then basically shitting all over the series.

This was an intelligent business move, as it took the competition, and stapled it on to itself, making a big, scary company that could in turn buy up more competition. However, it was the end of many quality franchises over the years.

Now I could go on to talk for another three paragraphs about how not only are they buying Bioware, but are also rumored to be in talks with another Canadian-ish company, Ubisoft, but that's boring. Besides, I have to cut EA a bit of slack, they do have EA Canada - an entirely Canadian development company. Also, the company seems to be on the rise in terms of quality (read: Mirror's Edge).

The REAL reason I'm bringing all of this up, is that NOW, video game news-blog Kotaku is talking about rumors of Disney (remember them?) picking up EA in this troubled economic time.

Where is the line?

We're always reading about big company mergers, and buy-outs, but when do we say "ok, that's enough. I'd like to see something independent please."? Just for shits, let's look at just a few of the companies that Disney already owns:

Walt Disney Pictures (obviously)
Touchstone Pictures
Miramax Pictures
Buena Vista International
Pixar
ABC (here's where it starts getting fucked up)
ESPN
A&E (which in turn, owns The History Channel, Biography, and others)
HBO
The Muppets (arrgg! Jim Henson is tossing in his grave)
Hyperion Books
and fucking hundreds more that aren't as interesting.

And it's not just Disney! Or even america. That's what sucks about all this - we're just as bad here in Canada.. Take a look at CTVGlobe Media sometime, in fact, here's a link for you to check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lists_of_corporate_assets

It's a list of all the major companies and what they own. It's disgusting.

And not only do these mega companies own everything, they co-operate. Ever seen a Macdonald's in a Wal-Mart?

Companies from Disney to Pepsi have been accused of anything from censorship to human rights violations yet they continue to subvert themselves into our everyday life.

Why does it bother so few that so much of what we see and hear is controlled by a small group of americans. What gives them the right? The argument "well, even within EA, or Disney, or Fox there are human beings trying to express themselves, and these companies allow them to spread their productions" is moot because funding is thrown around in manipulative ways to subtly control information flow. Just being at a company's mercy gives me the willies.

We live in a society, gripped by oligopoly. A small number of people collectively control everything. Coca-Cola sells soda, but soda, just like News and Entertainment, is an unecessary commodity that society is telling us we need. By constantly shelling out money for these "commodities" we are ensuring that these companies continue to exist.

By selling the drink and telling us we need it, Coca-Cola is constantly in possession of some percentage of the entire wealth of the united states. Which means that Coca-Cola is constantly in possession of some percentage of the United States.

The only thing any of us spend any money on what-so-ever are things that corporations have figured out how to give to us for a smaller cost than the return. We are simply middle men in an all-encompassing distribution of weath between the hundred or so white guys in New York.

Don't scoff me away. This is a tired argument but an evervecent one.

That's why I hate the world.




"If you could be told what to see or read, then it follows that you can be told what to say or think."
-Boards of Canada