
So there's one thing I hate more than Hollywood. And that's waking up to this much news of how Hollywood is fucking up this time. Let's get to it, shall we?
First off. Remember that movie that came out this past summer? It was a modern retelilng of a classic cartoon from the 80s? Transfigurines? Changing-Robots? I forget what it was called, but the point is, now that it has garnered so much money, Hollywood is redoing ALL the 80s movies.
They followed up the fairly decent robot flick with Alvin and the Chipmunks, which I heard sucked nuts. (badumtsch)
And now they're continuing their spiraling decent into madness with... brace for it.... a SMURF movie. That's right. I've seen a picture, and the animation looks as lazy as a Veggie Tales movie. I guess we'll have to wait and see.....
Just be glad it's not live action, like that video going around the internet... right?
Next up on the trainwreck-called-hollywood ride is Alice in Wonderland. Yep, you heard me right. Disney is so desperate for new ideas that they're re-hashin old ones.
The new version of their classic (And undoubtedly better) film will be 3D (oh, novel!) and is being directed by (shudder) Tim Burton. Now, I respect their decision about directors a bit, I mean it does make sense, but close your eyes and you can visualize Tim Burton's AIW already! We don't need to see this "visionary" director's take on the story since he's pretty much just done it with all his other movies.
I would rather see Guillermo Del Toro's (the NEW Tim Burton) version, or better yet, a Michel Gondry version. My point is, if you're going to redo your own idea, do it different.
fuck.
Ok, moving on, we've got Leonardo DiCaprio, who's making the most irritating decision I've seen in a while.
Anyone remember Akira? Any slight anime fans will, but to call it an anime, imbues it with stigma that it doesn't deserve. The *movie* was epic. Completely well animated, and actually intelligent, which is usually not the case in anime (re: Dragon Ball Z). I suppose many, however, never saw it because it was an anime. A Shame.
Well, Leo seems to agree with me, so he's taking the powerhouse anime to the big screen, and changing all the details to have a white cast (including himself and Joseph Gordon Levitt - who I am a big fan of - in the main two roles, Kaneda and Tetsuo respectively). They're changing the setting from future Neo-Tokyo, to Neo-Manhattan (sigh) and will likely tweak a number of other details and in the process completely lose track of what made the anime film so great.
On the other hand, DiCaprio is a very capable man, and there could still be good in him. This, while the most irritating of the news, is also the only one that I have any hope for at all.
And here are a few other pieces of information that really grinds my shit.
So who was hoping now that Sylvester Stallon has "returned" he'd promptly "go away"? Me too. Too bad he's sticking around and making more garbage movies about his old characters that people loved.
The ones people loved are all dried up now, and instead, he's making a sequel to Cliffhanger... whatever that was.
The legendary fighting game series Street Fighter is getting made into a movie, and that'll undoubtedly suck, as the best VG adaptation we've seen so far has been Silent Hill, (also, apparently getting a sequel) and it wasn't even that great movie-wise (I was impressed with it's fidelity though).
And finally, Hasbro has teamed up with Universal to release 4 movies based on some of it's major toy series. Some of the contenders include Monopoly (already announced as being a Ridley Scott film) Battleship, Ouija, Clue, Stretch Armstrong, and Magic: The Gathering.
Most of this info I read off Rotten Tomatoes, so kudos to them putting that together, and not objecting to my silent editorializing of their content....
As I look through this stuff, I just can't help but feel how fake it all is. I'd like to point out that all of the movies I have mentioned here are rehashes of ideas. No new thought.
And while Universal and Fox and Miramax and all the others slowly suck up all their remake resources, I can't help but wonder what happens when everything has been redone....
Do we watch them again?